21 Years Ago...

Happy Birthday Steven Matthew!!!

 

21 years ago, my life changed forever!

It was actually the moment that I found out I was pregnant, that I can say, my life changed forever.  Scared out of my mind...my life flashing before my eyes!  I knew I was terrified, but at the same time, there was a peace in me that I couldn't explain!

Becoming a mother at 16 was not my plan.  There are lots of things we don't necessarily 'plan' in life.  And  even though God allows us the right to make our own choices and we definitely take advantage of that right...He is still right there beside us, no matter what that choice is.  I can go on and on about my life leading up to the time I got pregnant.  And I could give you all the psychobabble as to why I made the choices I did and blah, blah, blah...not saying all that isn't important, because it most definitely is and played a major role in who I am today...but the point is, it is what it is and...

  God blessed me beyond belief with

the most amazing gift I could 
have ever imagined!

I never, ever could have dreamed of loving another person as much as I fell in love on February 17, 1989!  I had no idea what the future had for us...no idea what my life was even going to hold...I only  had that moment when I became a mother.  That's when our journey began...

Both my mother and grandmother were there for me and gave as much support they could.  Soon after Steven was born, his biological father left the picture and has never been a part of it since.  So, for the next 10 years, it was pretty much just me and Steven against the world.  We honestly, grew up together!  I still had so much to do and learn and experience and while most girls were doing that, freely at my age, I was doing so, while raising a child alone.  I didn't complain...never regret!  The choice was mine...the decision was mine and I never looked back.  

During those first 10 years, I worked, went to college and raised my boy!  While we did it all, together, we were still lonely...still missing something...both of us were!  Until, one day, the Lord blessed us with a wonderful man and his 3 children and they soon became our family!  When Steven was 10 years old, I got married and was blessed with a husband and Steven was finally blessed with an amazing dad!!  He had waited for sooooooooooooo long for him!  In fact, before we even left the church, he asked Ken if he could call him dad now!  *tears*    Since then, Ken adopted Steven as his own and has always, always loved him as if he was!

 
 Steven getting ready to walk me down the isle

 Our new family

Steven now has 2 new siblings...has graduated from high school...been to both Romania and China on Mission trips...is going to college and...much to my dismay and pain in watching...becoming a man!!  I am so proud of my son.  He loves the Lord...loves family...loves life!  

I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be his mother. 

For giving a 16 year old girl the awesome task of raising such a wonderful, Godly man.

For the honor I have felt as I have watch him just live.

For the joy that has filled my heart for the past 21 years.

For the smiles.

For the growing pains that have been ever so present. 

For the lessons I have learned and those that I am learning now.  

For the future that is ahead of him, because of his heart for the Lord.

 

Finding Joy

I am usually a very upbeat person...very optimistic and joyful.  But I have to admit that this past week, I have had a hard time finding joy.  I know it's just a little funk and I am snapping out of it and doing much better.  There are going to be times in our lives when things don't always feel like roses...more like thorns!  I don't have any one particular reason for this lack of joy.  I have a great life...a fabulous husband...incredible kids...a loving Savior...a home...food on the table...friendships...it's just me - my own little weirdness going on!  We have all gone through it at one time or another...I know I am not alone.  During times like this, I just continue to look UP and seek joy from my Lord...the one true source of what seems to be unattainable sometimes.  He is the one that can fill me up with I can't seem to do so.  He is the one that will just let me cry for what seems to be no reason.  He is the one that will just let me be as I work through whatever it is.  

Like I said, I am doing much better...recognizing that the 'funks' I experience are times of growing and learning and evaluating.  Sometimes painful, but a good pain...you know what I mean?  What is really cool to see is how the Lord reminds me of the joys in my life...reminds me of the smallest things that just make my heart smile.  This past week, Zachary's little preschool class made all kinds of cute little valentiney things...sadly, my older kids don't bring home cutesy stuff anymore...   The first 'installment' of these treasures from Zachary came in the mail. 

  My sweet little mister sent us a love note!

 

Then he came home with this little treasure!

 

                                   (outside)                                      (inside)

The final gift of the week was this beautiful card that made 

Ken and I both cry!

(here is what is written in the heart) 

My Hand Print

February 14, 2010

Sometimes you get discouraged

because I am so small

and always leave my finger prints

on furniture and wall.

but everyday I'm growing up 

and soon I'll be so tall, that all those little hand prints

will be difficult to recall

so here's a current hand print

that you can put away

you'll know just how my fingers looked

this year for Valentine's Day!

I'll give you a moment to wipe your eyes.... 
     

The joy that we often lack, for whatever reason...prayerfully, like me, is just momentary...just a brief time of blah.  When I am given the reminder,  from my Savior, the incredible blessings He has given me...I find it hard to stay in my 'blah' state for too long.  My precious little man, so innocent and sweet, just loves me...just because I am his mommy and that's all!  That is how my God loves me.  Just because I am his child...He loves me for me and all my flaws...loves me in spite of my lack of joy at times...He loves me no matter what!  For that alone, joy can overflow and be stored up for the times when I don't feel it, right?  

Today, I am joyful and I thank the Lord for it!  

There is a song that has come to mind for me today...

There is joy in the Lord

There is love in His spirit

There is hope in the knowledge of Him

There's a fountain that flows

Like a river from heaven

Abounding in love to my soul

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Habakkuk 3:18