Happy Thanksgiving!!

It has been 7 months since I blogged last...way too long!  I can't believe that much time has gone by.  I've thought of a lot of great things to blog about, but those thoughts came and went, just like the minutes and days and months!  I really desire to keep up on my shared thoughts...my deep profound musings (insert belly laugh here!), but that desire seems to get pushed aside as I live my life and just get busy!  

I thought today, Thanksgiving 2010, would be a good day to share my heart again...

This Thanksgiving I have so much thankfulness in my heart.  At times, I feel as though it is overflowing.  I am thankful for my husband.  I was blessed about 14 years ago, when God brought an amazing man into my life.  He has been my husband for 11 years.  He is my soul mate...the love of my life.  He has shown me what love really is...what it means to be loved and cherished.  He is an amazing father to our children.  He works harder than anyone that I  know.  He is humble and servant-hearted.   He loves the Lord and serves Him with integrity.  I am blessed and honored to be his wife and partner in life!

I am thankful for my children...the ones that I gave birth to and the ones that God gave me when I married their dad!  I am thankful that God has trusted me to be a  mother and teach my kids about Him.  I am thankful that, in spite of myself, He deemed me worthy of this task.  I am thankful that I have been blessed to watch them as they grow up and become the people that God created them to be.  I am thankful that even when I doubt my self as a mother and step mother...when I question what I am doing...the Lord shows me, in His own way, that it's what He is doing that really matters.  

I am thankful for the rest of my family!  For the family that is close by and those that aren't.  Thankful for the different impacts that each person has had in my life and the differences they have made in my life.  Whether the relationship is close or distant...strong or estranged...God has a purpose for it and for that, I am thankful.

I am thankful for my friendships.  For my best friends that have been in my life for many, many years...for the undying love and laughter...for the tears and heartache...for everything we have been to and for each other!  For new friendships that have bloomed and become another wonderful reminder of how God continues to care for us through the relationships He gives us!

I am thankful for my church, ShoreLife.  Thankful for the 17+ years that I have been a part of such an incredible body of believers...for the fellowship and support...for the family that God has given us through His people.  For a place that we can go and just feel the presence of God, not because of the building, but because of the word of God being taught...

the genuine worship of God!

I am thankful for God's provision for our family.  So thankful that He takes care of our needs and gives up what He feels we need and never, never forgets us!

I am thankful for heartache and hard times..I don't like them, but I trust that God has a plan.  I may not understand them most of the time, but God has never let me down.  There is one thing I know and it's that God is a good and merciful God...that He loves us and wants only the best for us.  I hold onto that everyday!  

In Your name there is mercy for sin
There is safety within, in Your holy name
In Your name, there is strength to remain
To stand in spite of pain
In Your holy name

I don't write that to be a downer, because I am happy and joyful and most of all thankful...but I have experienced sadness and loss and there are days when that surfaces rather rudely...I would be amiss not to share my perspective and optimism and most of all, trust in the midst of it.  

Finally, but most important to me, I am thankful for my Lord Jesus...my salvation...the relationship that literally saved my life.  I am thankful, everyday, for His grace and mercy and unconditional love and kindness that He has poured upon my life and still continues to do so.  I am thankful for the cross that bore my shame...for the blood that was shed for me.  I am thankful that my life...all of it...can be placed in the loving arms of my Savior and I can be comforted in knowing that I am safe and forgiven!  

He is a good God...ALL the time He is good. 

Today, I will share the day with most of my family.  We will share food, laughter, probably some tears and make new memories.  My prayer and hope for you, is that today you will embrace YOUR thankfulness too!!

The Runaway Bunny

I read this book last night to Zachary..

It is a very sweet book.  It made me cry...no really, it did.  Kinda silly I  know, but it reminded me so much of the reality of being a mom and even our own relationship with God. 

The little bunny told it's mommy that he was going to run away. 

The mommy said,
"if you run away, I will run after you. 

For you are my little bunny." 

Bunny said, he would become a fish and swim away...mommy said, she would become a fisherman. 

Bunny said, he would become a rock on the mountain, high above...mommy said, she would be a mountain climber and climb to where he was. 

Bunny said, he would be a cocus in a hidden garden...mommy said, she will be a gardener and find him. 

Bunny said, he would become a bird and fly away...mommy said, she would be a tree that that he could come home to. 

Bunny said, he will become a little sailboat and sail away...mommy said, she would become the wind and blow him where SHE wants him to go. 

Bunny said, he will join the circus and fly away on a flying trapeze...mommy said, she will be a tightrope walker and walk across the air to him. 

Bunny said, he would become a little boy and run into a house...mommy said, she would become his mother and catch him in her arms and hug him.

Bunny said, he might as well stay where he is and be her little bunny...

This story is not profound.  But isn't it so true that we, as mothers, would go to the ends of the earth for our children?  We would do whatever it takes to bring them 'home'!

The reason this story struck me, is because my oldest son just moved out on his own.  He didn't run away, it's just time for him to begin a new journey in his life.  He is 21 now...a big boy...much to my dismay!  In that process though, I think there is a sense of running for him.  I get it, but it is still so very hard.  Wanting to figure life out, seperate from his family.  Me, his mother, wanting to follow him and bring him home.  Wanting to remind him that I want to protect him and guide him...only to be reminded, myself, that I can't do that anymore.  I knew this time would come.  I have often thought about it with tremendous dread...never imagining just how painful the reality really is.  I apologize, if I am being depressing...it's just the reality of life...the reality of change and new seasons...it's ok...just hard. 

I am also reminded of God's relationship with us.  This childish little book, really painted a very simple picture of HIS great love for us too!  I don't know about you, the Lord has been all of those things for me (and more)...He was fished me out of a pit...He has sought me out when I was hiding and didn't want to be found...He has done whatever it takes to get me down off mountains of dispair...He has let me fly away, only to be there waiting for me to return...He has reminded me over and over again that HIS way is the way I should go...AND I have even found myself looking back at my own paths, wishing I would have just stayed in His will and His arms the whole time!

I realize I may be totally cheesy, analizing this silly little story.  Ya know, it is, what it is...we can take away profound insights from the greatest of writings or little tid-bit reminders of the sweetness of life, from a simple little preschool book...God speaks to us differently, at different times...last night, he spoke to my heart with, "The Runaway Bunny."

Our greatest source of insight and wisdom, of course, is the WORD...

"For the Word of God is living and active.  Sharper than a double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of theheart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. 

Hebrews 4:12, 13

Unanswered Prayer

As parents, we have tried very hard to instill the importance of a having a relationship with Jesus Christ.  All my kids have attended church since they were born.  All of my kids have asked Jesus to be their Savior and all are at different stages or growth patterns in their relationship with Him.  We have seen in each of them, at different times, glimpses of who HE is in their life.  It is always heartwarming to watch them engage in worship and desire to know His truth and live out His compassion. 

This passed Sunday, our youngest, Zachary (4) asked a very, well thought-out question.  I mean, you could tell he had thought hard about it...he had put together pieces of what he has learned about the Lord and asked the following:

 "Mommy, if God hears everything we ask and can do anything...

will He give us whatever we ask for?"

I am telling you...my little son is so inquisitive about things of God.  He comes up with the greatest insights and this moment of wonder, just added to the growing list.  It amazes me, how his little heart has already been penetrated with the love of Christ and in his innocence and little 4 year old way, seeks to know more! 

Ok...so back to his question...after taking a moment to gather my thoughts so I could give him an answer he could understand, this is what I told him...

God does hear everything...He listens to our prayers and wants us to ask Him anything and talk to Him about everything.  But He won't always give us what we ask for, because sometimes what we want, isn't what He wants for us or what is best for us. 

He seemed satisfied with that answer for the time being and moved on to his next task. 

The answer to His question is one, I think, we have all asked or wondered about at one point or anther in our life.  Or better yet how about this...

"If God hears us and can do anything, then why didn't He do this for me?  Or why did He let this happen to me?  Or why does He he allow hurt or pain?  Why does He allow people to be poor or go without?  Why does he allow sickness and distruction?" 

Any of that sound familiar?  If not from our own lips, but from someone we know? 

Well, I can tell you that those are questions I would honestly have to tell my son, I don't have the answers to.  I simply don't know.  We don't know why God does certain things or allows certain things.  He may reveal it to us...He may not.  Either way, it's not for us to question.  We must trust Him and have no doubt that He is just and loving and all-knowing and will only do great things in our life, no matter what happens.

In all of my (almost) 38 years...I am definitly thankful for the answered prayers and blessings...BUT also, maybe even a little more...thankful for those He chose not to answer.  Or for those events that I didn't...maybe still don't...understand.  I am who I am today, because HE knows what's best...THANK GOD...and didn't give me those things I thought I needed...and allowed the things in my life that may have brought me pain...to make me more and more like Him and bring me closer to Him.  In the midst of it all...good AND bad...I can still praise HIM for it all!  For that I am so thankful...SO SO BLESSED!  Read the words to one of my favorite songs...I hold it close to my heart always!

I will praise You Lord my God

Even in my brokenness, I will praise You Lord

I will praise You Lord my God

Even in my desperation, I will praise You Lord

And I can't understand all that You allow, I just can't see the reason

But my life is in Your hand and though I cannot see You

I choose to trust You

Even when my heart is torn

I will praise You Lord

Even when I feel deserted

I will praise You Lord

Even in the darkest valley

I will praise You Lord

And when my world is shattered, and if seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God

 Even in my loneliness, I will trust You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God

Even when I cannot hear You, I will trust You Lord

And I will not forget, that You hung on a cross

Lord you bled and died for me

And if I have to suffer I know that You've been there

And I know that You're here now

if you are in need of prayer, please let me know and i will pray for you.

if you have praises to share, i would love to hear from you.
 

21 Years Ago...

Happy Birthday Steven Matthew!!!

 

21 years ago, my life changed forever!

It was actually the moment that I found out I was pregnant, that I can say, my life changed forever.  Scared out of my mind...my life flashing before my eyes!  I knew I was terrified, but at the same time, there was a peace in me that I couldn't explain!

Becoming a mother at 16 was not my plan.  There are lots of things we don't necessarily 'plan' in life.  And  even though God allows us the right to make our own choices and we definitely take advantage of that right...He is still right there beside us, no matter what that choice is.  I can go on and on about my life leading up to the time I got pregnant.  And I could give you all the psychobabble as to why I made the choices I did and blah, blah, blah...not saying all that isn't important, because it most definitely is and played a major role in who I am today...but the point is, it is what it is and...

  God blessed me beyond belief with

the most amazing gift I could 
have ever imagined!

I never, ever could have dreamed of loving another person as much as I fell in love on February 17, 1989!  I had no idea what the future had for us...no idea what my life was even going to hold...I only  had that moment when I became a mother.  That's when our journey began...

Both my mother and grandmother were there for me and gave as much support they could.  Soon after Steven was born, his biological father left the picture and has never been a part of it since.  So, for the next 10 years, it was pretty much just me and Steven against the world.  We honestly, grew up together!  I still had so much to do and learn and experience and while most girls were doing that, freely at my age, I was doing so, while raising a child alone.  I didn't complain...never regret!  The choice was mine...the decision was mine and I never looked back.  

During those first 10 years, I worked, went to college and raised my boy!  While we did it all, together, we were still lonely...still missing something...both of us were!  Until, one day, the Lord blessed us with a wonderful man and his 3 children and they soon became our family!  When Steven was 10 years old, I got married and was blessed with a husband and Steven was finally blessed with an amazing dad!!  He had waited for sooooooooooooo long for him!  In fact, before we even left the church, he asked Ken if he could call him dad now!  *tears*    Since then, Ken adopted Steven as his own and has always, always loved him as if he was!

 
 Steven getting ready to walk me down the isle

 Our new family

Steven now has 2 new siblings...has graduated from high school...been to both Romania and China on Mission trips...is going to college and...much to my dismay and pain in watching...becoming a man!!  I am so proud of my son.  He loves the Lord...loves family...loves life!  

I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be his mother. 

For giving a 16 year old girl the awesome task of raising such a wonderful, Godly man.

For the honor I have felt as I have watch him just live.

For the joy that has filled my heart for the past 21 years.

For the smiles.

For the growing pains that have been ever so present. 

For the lessons I have learned and those that I am learning now.  

For the future that is ahead of him, because of his heart for the Lord.

 

Finding Joy

I am usually a very upbeat person...very optimistic and joyful.  But I have to admit that this past week, I have had a hard time finding joy.  I know it's just a little funk and I am snapping out of it and doing much better.  There are going to be times in our lives when things don't always feel like roses...more like thorns!  I don't have any one particular reason for this lack of joy.  I have a great life...a fabulous husband...incredible kids...a loving Savior...a home...food on the table...friendships...it's just me - my own little weirdness going on!  We have all gone through it at one time or another...I know I am not alone.  During times like this, I just continue to look UP and seek joy from my Lord...the one true source of what seems to be unattainable sometimes.  He is the one that can fill me up with I can't seem to do so.  He is the one that will just let me cry for what seems to be no reason.  He is the one that will just let me be as I work through whatever it is.  

Like I said, I am doing much better...recognizing that the 'funks' I experience are times of growing and learning and evaluating.  Sometimes painful, but a good pain...you know what I mean?  What is really cool to see is how the Lord reminds me of the joys in my life...reminds me of the smallest things that just make my heart smile.  This past week, Zachary's little preschool class made all kinds of cute little valentiney things...sadly, my older kids don't bring home cutesy stuff anymore...   The first 'installment' of these treasures from Zachary came in the mail. 

  My sweet little mister sent us a love note!

 

Then he came home with this little treasure!

 

                                   (outside)                                      (inside)

The final gift of the week was this beautiful card that made 

Ken and I both cry!

(here is what is written in the heart) 

My Hand Print

February 14, 2010

Sometimes you get discouraged

because I am so small

and always leave my finger prints

on furniture and wall.

but everyday I'm growing up 

and soon I'll be so tall, that all those little hand prints

will be difficult to recall

so here's a current hand print

that you can put away

you'll know just how my fingers looked

this year for Valentine's Day!

I'll give you a moment to wipe your eyes.... 
     

The joy that we often lack, for whatever reason...prayerfully, like me, is just momentary...just a brief time of blah.  When I am given the reminder,  from my Savior, the incredible blessings He has given me...I find it hard to stay in my 'blah' state for too long.  My precious little man, so innocent and sweet, just loves me...just because I am his mommy and that's all!  That is how my God loves me.  Just because I am his child...He loves me for me and all my flaws...loves me in spite of my lack of joy at times...He loves me no matter what!  For that alone, joy can overflow and be stored up for the times when I don't feel it, right?  

Today, I am joyful and I thank the Lord for it!  

There is a song that has come to mind for me today...

There is joy in the Lord

There is love in His spirit

There is hope in the knowledge of Him

There's a fountain that flows

Like a river from heaven

Abounding in love to my soul

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Habakkuk 3:18

In Training...

I recently had a conversation...or maybe I should say, recently I told my daughter Grace, who is 9 (conversation would mean that I allowed her rebuttal or input and this time I didn't)...anyway, she was mad at me, because I got on her about a homework assignment.  I was scolding her for not focusing on her work...for singing or drawing or zoning out...instead of writing this stinking paper that was do last week! (note: not a bad parent moment...teacher/parent/student communication issue...mostly teacher!)  She was angry with me and threw a little fit and so I sent her to her bedroom.  Upon visiting her in her room, I did let her express her frustration with me, then proceeded to tell her that I am not the bad guy here!  I did not give her the assignment...I did not drop the ball on it...and I did not appreciate the grief or the fit throwing!  I told her that she may not like it when I get on her.  She may not like it if I raise my voice or enforce discipline.  She definitely doesn't like getting a swat on her behind every once in a while either!  (yes, no sparing of the rod in this house!)  I explained to her that I have to answer to God.  I have been given this awesome (sometimes, not so much...only sometimes!!) responsibility to raising my children.  I have been entrusted to bring them up to be productive, functioning, loving, God-fearing people.  I have to obey God first and that means my kiddos are not always going to like me!  She seemed to understand, for the moment...I am sure she will let me remind her several more times before she is 18!  And, I am sure most of those times won't be homework related!    :)

***************

My point is this...we are called to parent our children!  

We chose to be parents.  We must step up to the plate and not take that responsibility lightly! 

 Don't try and be their friend!  Train them and teach them how to BE a good friend themselves.  Raise them to be responsible & self sufficient.  Teach them the discipline of prayer!  Show them what it means to obey the Lord! 

Our kids have no one else.  We are it!  We only get one chance to raise our children...one chance to get them ready for life.  

****************

Train a child in the way that he should go 

and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Lovin' Life!

I LOVE being a mom!  I LOVE being a wife!  
I LOVE being a friend!  

I especially LOVE being a child of God!  

********************

I was walking Grace and Zachary over to school this morning and I was just filled with so much joy!  I am so blessed beyond belief...I can't even fathom it sometimes! The feel of their small hands in mine as they trust ME to take care of their needs...trust ME to do right by them!  I don't even feel worthy sometimes, but the Lord has entrusted me with them and I do not take being a mother lightly...AT ALL!

I LOVE being at home to be a full-time wife and mother! I worked for many years and know that it was necessary and is for so many families.  But, the Lord has provided for us...He has given us a wonderful man that we call husband and daddy, who works his tail off to provide for us.  He too, LOVES that I am able to be a full-time wife and mother!  Beyond that, the Lord just continues to 'make it work'...not sure how He does it, but I don't question Him, just raise my hands in thanksgiving!

I know that there are a lot of moms out there that scoff at those of us who stay home.  Some say, we should be out making that extra money, so we can have all the 'extras' in life.  We should be out there with other 'adults' so we don't go crazy.  How could we just be at home all day and just take care of kids?  To me, all the 'extras' in life are the moments when I can walk my kids to school in the morning or greet them when they get home.  Or being able to attend their field trips.  Or even pick them up at noon, because they are sick.  I LOVE being able to have time to provide a clean home for my family and keep up on the laundry and have a healthy, yummy smelling dinner waiting for my husband when he gets home.  I LOVE that I have time to take care of myself, spiritually and physically, for my husband, so I can be the wife that he needs me to be.  I LOVE being able to support him and give him the reassurance that everything is taken care of at the home-front!

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.  She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.  She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.  She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.  She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.  She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.  In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.  She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.  When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.  She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.  Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.  She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 Proverbs 31:10-31

I do not claim to own all of these qualities, but I sure work hard at becoming the woman that God describes in this passage...the woman that HE calls me to be!